This week, the Kardashians roped us into a dramatic new narrative that none of us can or will look away from, despite desperately wanting to (heaven help us). Here\u2019s how it went: allegedly, Khloe Kardashian\u2019s partner and father of their child, Tristan Thompson, cheated on Khloe with Kylie Jenner\u2019s friend, Jordyn Woods. Jordyn and Tristan were spotted making out at a party at his house on February 17, and now the status of he and Khloe are up in the air (while Jordyn has reportedly moved out of Kylie\u2019s house).<\/p>\n
Woof.<\/p>\n
And I know what you\u2019re probably thinking: Anne, who cares?<\/em> Well, the internet. The internet cares. And if the internet cares, you will have to care just enough to tread digital water while the tidal waves of celebrity gossip crash around you. So in order to do that, I\u2019ve made a guide. For those who care and for those who do not, here\u2019s how to act like you understand what\u2019s happening in an enthusiastic way while ignoring the issue completely, you\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n Bring it up first<\/strong><\/p>\n By bringing up the scandal first, you will seem like a knowledgeable source who knows absolutely everything about everyone. And of course, this is a lie. So after leading with a strong, \u201cDid you hear . . . ?\u201d watch as the second party of your conversation rushes to fill in the blanks. Of course<\/em> they heard (will be their response), while hurrying to giving you a complete summary of events you will later draw from. And then, after reading the \u201cCan you even believe it\u201d expression you\u2019ve plastered on your face, they will add more.<\/p>\n To which you will nod knowingly. \u201cThat\u2019s bananas,\u201d you will say, sorrowfully. \u201cAbsolutely bananas.\u201d And onto phase two.<\/p>\n Relay all second-hand information as though it is your own<\/strong><\/p>\n Which means that you\u2019ve got to listen while people tell you about this thing that you likely don\u2019t care about because it won\u2019t matter in like, two months. But alas. You retain as much information as you can, and then, in moments of being stuck in a cycle of small talk at a work event with someone you\u2019ve never spoken to outside of Slack, you drop the bomb: I heard that Jordyn moved out of Kylie\u2019s house<\/em>.<\/p>\n Of course, the person you\u2019re speaking to may have no idea what you\u2019re talking about. They might think you know a Jordyn, or that you\u2019re referring to Kylie from HR. Do not correct them as you go into more detail. It\u2019s up to them to do their research.<\/p>\n Greet every piece of information with a shocked, \u201cWow!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Not only will you seem invested, you will make whoever is speaking feel like a million bucks. I personally love when anything I say is greeted with \u201cWow!\u201d Even if I\u2019m talking about gas prices or the polar vortex.<\/p>\n In fact, please comment \u201cWow!\u201d in the comments below.<\/p>\n Remind yourself that this too shall pass<\/strong><\/p>\n Remember the last Kardashian scandal? Remember the previous thing? With the Jenners? Me neither. I remember none of us, despite knowing the details of conversations I wasn\u2019t present for and read about. So in moments of being trapped in the world of people none of us would likely be friends with in real life, remind yourself that none of this is taking up bandwidth. This knowledge will disperse. Eventually, in the same way you no longer remember the trials and tribulations of the coolest couple in junior high, you will forget about Khloe, Tristan, Jordyn, and all that transpired between them.<\/p>\n Plus, none of us are above this. Are you kidding me? The world is on fire, and most of us need a reprieve. Use this as your metaphorical water wings. Float on your back a little bit. Accept that it\u2019s a break from everything bad. Then, when you are recharged, you emerge. And with the dawn a new Kardashian scandal will unfold. Good luck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This week, the Kardashians roped us into a dramatic new narrative that none of us can or will look away from, despite desperately wanting to (heaven help us). Here\u2019s how it went: allegedly, Khloe Kardashian\u2019s partner and father of their child, Tristan Thompson, cheated on Khloe with Kylie Jenner\u2019s friend, Jordyn Woods. Jordyn and Tristan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":67426,"featured_media":115986,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[81718],"tags":[83613,81756,70297,67407,67408,66605,83358,79157,83292,81720,83497],"class_list":["post-115985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pop-culture","tag-anne-t-donahue-musings","tag-jordyn-woods","tag-osteoperosis","tag-keeping-kardashians","tag-khloe-kardashian","tag-kim-kardashian","tag-kim-kardashian-west","tag-may-23","tag-top-story","tag-topstory","tag-tristan-thompson"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n