{"id":119038,"date":"2019-11-21T11:13:47","date_gmt":"2019-11-21T16:13:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/?p=119038"},"modified":"2021-02-04T17:47:56","modified_gmt":"2021-02-04T22:47:56","slug":"2020-my-new-rules-for-self-care","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wellness\/2020-my-new-rules-for-self-care\/","title":{"rendered":"2020: My New Rules For Self-Care"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Anne T. Donahue<\/strong><\/p>\n

Like you, I now hate the term \u201cself-care.\u201d I have no idea what it means. Honestly, I\u2019m too tired to bother even finding out what it means. It\u2019s obviously objective, applicable to everything from nighttime skin routines to reading with a cup of tea to therapy to going to the doctor when you need to go to cutting off people who make you feel shitty. All of which I support and stand by and will applaud you for doing. But I\u2019m over the term being a catch-all for merchandise and behavior that\u2019s meant to make you feel healthy and better and amazing.<\/p>\n

In 2020, I want the only justification for investing in myself or taking time off or being a person to be because it\u2019s what I want to do<\/em>. I want to be brave enough to make a choice and to simply stand by it without having to explain that I\u2019d finally decided to care about myself. I want to make choices because they are the choices I would like to make, no hashtag required. I want to exist without the buffer of justification that \u201cself-care\u201d has come to represent. And here\u2019s where I\u2019d like to start:<\/p>\n

Prioritize and nurture real friendships<\/strong>
\nI\u2019ve learned few things this decade like the importance of real friendship. It\u2019s sustaining. It\u2019s a lifeline. It makes you feel safe and calm and understood and seen, and even in the midst of misunderstandings or temporary drifts, it\u2019s still a house with a porchlight on. Friendship is incredible. Real<\/em> friendship. It has saved me so many times, but it took until the last two years to realize that to be a good friend you have to be there for your pals while still allowing them into your own life. Vulnerability is terrifying. To confide in a friend or to reveal that you\u2019re human is a nightmare in which you imagine the many ways you will be shot down and cut off.<\/p>\n

But then you actually do it, and it makes things even stronger. You realize that friendship is an exchange, and that mutual vulnerability is such a precious, powerful thing. Does this give anyone permission to be shitty or cruel or use a life event to be hurtful or rude? Absolutely not. But those things aren\u2019t the basis of friendship, anyway. They\u2019re the plot device of a Riverdale<\/em> episode that makes you scream, \u201cWHY ISN\u2019T ANYBODY COMMUNICATING\u201d?<\/p>\n

Do what I want, face\/makeup-wise<\/strong>
\nThere are too many skincare steps and all of them frighten me. I can handle like, four a night. And all of them need to be doable right beside my bed because I\u2019m lazy and I can\u2019t be bothered to do anything but fall asleep in front of Bake Off<\/em> reruns every night. I\u2019m sure retinol is great, but so is celery water or whatever and it\u2019s not going to happen.<\/p>\n

And I don\u2019t care anymore. I\u2019m going to have fun with makeup, I\u2019m going to embrace the basics, I\u2019m going to use face masks sometimes but I\u2019m going to avoid clay versions at all costs because they make me break out so bad it looks like something\u2019s happening to me that might necessitate a trip to the ER. Or maybe I will anyway. Either way, I will do it because I am a grown-up and that\u2019s what I want to do, self-care be damned, please just let me live<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Entertain no romantic fools<\/strong>
\nIf you are a guy, and I start to feel like I need to change myself in any way for you to like me, I am not participating anymore. 34 years is too long to squeeze one\u2019s self into tiny boxes of silent expectations that do nothing but make me feel small. I don\u2019t need to compete with anybody\u2019s misogyny, coldness, inaccessibility, or unavailability. Not when I could roam around the mall window shopping, asking everybody who passes me what retinol is.<\/p>\n

Eat what you fucking want<\/strong>
\nThis isn\u2019t revelatory. I\u2019m not saying anything that\u2019s even remotely controversial. All of this has been written about before. But fuck it: I have associated shame with food since before I was a teenager, and it\u2019s a really awful, and I hate how it feels. So I\u2019m not going to do it anymore \u2013 or at least try. When I\u2019m craving something, I\u2019m going to eat that thing. When my body\u2019s yelling for vegetables, I\u2019m going to eat some vegetables. When I buy a chocolate bar because I want a chocolate bar, I\u2019m not going to save some of it for later like it\u2019s going to mean something different.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to try and enjoy the process of being a living person. Self-care can go to hell for a while. I\u2019m ready to simply like and value myself.<\/p>\n

Need a little more Anne? Read more from Anne T. Donahue right here<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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