{"id":119347,"date":"2020-01-09T16:34:28","date_gmt":"2020-01-09T21:34:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/?p=119347"},"modified":"2021-02-04T17:36:34","modified_gmt":"2021-02-04T22:36:34","slug":"in-2020-i-want-my-celebrity-gossip-messy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/pop-culture\/in-2020-i-want-my-celebrity-gossip-messy\/","title":{"rendered":"In 2020, I Want My Celebrity Gossip Messy"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Anne T. Donahue<\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019re less than 10 days into a new decade, and everything\u2019s a shit-show. I won\u2019t get into the ins and outs of international politics, but I will say that if you\u2019re currently feeling on-edge and terrible, that\u2019s the only way I think we\u2019re supposed to feel \u2013 which is saying something considering that over the last four years, every so often, we\u2019d be given a reprieve from channeling the subject of The Scream<\/em>. Not anymore.<\/p>\n

But then comes a day like yesterday\u2019s celebrity news round-up; a day in which the entertainment news is so messy that you can\u2019t help but lean in as close to your computer as you possibly can while shouting, \u201cWAIT, WHAT?\u201d alone. Over the course of one afternoon, Meghan and Harry announced plans to \u201ctake a step back\u201d from being \u201csenior members\u201d of the Royal Family. Grimes took to Instagram to announce that she\u2019s pregnant with Elon Musk\u2019s child. And Justin Bieber revealed that he has Lyme Disease. (Which honestly sucks. Nobody wants to have Lyme Disease.)<\/p>\n

So naturally, I was late for dinner. I, a 34-year-old woman with work to do and friends to meet, had to text those very friends to explain that I would be late for our meal because I was reading the internet. \u201cMeghan and Harry!\u201d I said, with no explanation outside of my internal surprise at my inability to stop tweeting about them. \u201cGrimes?!\u201d Quickly, my friend seemed to understand: \u201cBieber has Lyme disease!\u201d she texted back. \u201cWe have a lot to talk about.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the record, none of us know or ever knew anyone we planned on talking about. I don\u2019t know Justin Bieber or Grimes or Elon Musk (honestly, thank God), nor Harry and Meghan (though I do recommend that if they plan on moving here, they get in touch because I\u2019m fun). But yesterday\u2019s celebrity whatever-that-was achieved exactly the volume of celebrity gossip I\u2019ve come to crave: nonsense, delivered at lightning speed, funneled into our minds in a way post-Golden Globes coverage would never dare. The year is 2020. I want pure, unadulterated shenanigans. And then I want to read a million tweets about it, laugh by myself at my computer, and forget about all of it in ten minutes or so.<\/p>\n

I want my celebrity news this year to be pixie sticks and Mountain Dew: ridiculous, over-stimulating, and tainted by the regret you feel after realizing how much garbage you\u2019ve just confused. I want to know what Will and Kate think of Meghan and Harry. I want to know what the Queen has to say. I want to know if Denise Richards is leaving Real Housewives<\/em>. And I want to collapse on the floor and yell \u201cNO! STOP IT!\u201d whenever I hear about Pete Davidson and Kaia Gerber.<\/p>\n

Which I don\u2019t feel bad about. We have lived through months of self-care and wellness and whatever it is Goop<\/em>promises to sell us. And, over all of that and annoyed at even the word \u201chealth,\u201d I\u2019m ready to use absolute trash as my coping mechanism against everything else that\u2019s going on. I\u2019m ready to treat the meltdown of the British monarchy or the will-they-or-won\u2019t-they of Julianne Hough\u2019s marriage as the life raft I\u2019ve fashioned myself amidst the chaos. I\u2019m ready to embrace how low-brow I really am, and how happily I\u2019ll click on every blind item to decipher who\u2019s doing what with whom on what day. I\u2019m here to fill five precious moments of my life with a Mountain Dew can full of pixie stick dust (metaphorically). And while it can and will never actually sustain me, it will carry me through to the next thing; the next thing that will make celebrity news look so stupid and trivial because it is, but we need it and read about it anyway because otherwise we\u2019ll all just feel like we\u2019re seconds from dying.<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s to the 2020 pop cultural shit-show. Here\u2019s to those precious seconds of thinking too much about a famous couple whose marriage you feel inexplicably drawn to over-analyzing. Here\u2019s to conversations about gowns. Here\u2019s to Brad Pitt calling Leonardo DiCaprio LDC. And here\u2019s to my precious son, Justin Bieber, who I hope starts feeling better. Perhaps he and Meghan and Harry can all start to hang out.<\/p>\n

Need a little more Anne? Read more from Anne T. Donahue right here<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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