{"id":119803,"date":"2020-02-13T10:28:55","date_gmt":"2020-02-13T15:28:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/?p=119803"},"modified":"2021-02-04T17:26:29","modified_gmt":"2021-02-04T22:26:29","slug":"the-most-unforgettable-valentines-day-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wellness\/the-most-unforgettable-valentines-day-ever\/","title":{"rendered":"The Most Unforgettable Valentine’s Day Ever"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Anne T. Donahue<\/strong><\/p>\n

This year, Valentine\u2019s Day falls on a Friday, which doesn\u2019t mean very much until you realize that you can now watch The Pharmacist<\/em> on Netflix far later than you normally would and then sleep in the next morning without consequence (which I cannot recommend enough).<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s not the only thing you can do. As someone who likes Valentine\u2019s Day only because of the d\u00e9cor and candy, I consider myself an expert on making the holiday one you won\u2019t be able to forget because I\u2019ve decided to brand myself as such. Like Cartman himself, I do what I want. And so this suggestion list is for anybody who does the same.<\/p>\n

Consume an alarming number of cinnamon hearts<\/strong>
\nBecause I went to elementary school in the nineties, an actual contest that existed for many years was to see how many cinnamon hearts you could fit in your mouth without dying or getting sick or burning your tongue to the point of needing to call for medical assistance. And guess what: we all survived. Because cinnamon hearts are incredible. They are delicious. They\u2019re addictive, and it makes me livid to think that as of February 15 they will be impossible to find. But like Halls or Fisherman\u2019s Friend, you can\u2019t eat too many in one sitting or you will perish or burst into flames. This creates the ultimate challenge: how many can you possibly eat at the same time? Valentine\u2019s Day is the perfect day to find out. TGIF, etc.<\/p>\n

Consume only foods you see eaten on The Bachelor<\/em><\/strong>
\nHave I ever watched The Bachelor<\/em>? Yes: for one season in, like, 2013. Do I think I\u2019m better than people who watch The Bachelor<\/em>? Absolutely not, I just forget when it\u2019s on and by the time I clue in, the season\u2019s half-hour and I\u2019m stuck reading tweets and pretending I get it. Thus, this challenge is not for me. But for you, I suggest the following: eat the only foods you see eaten by The Bachelor<\/em> and pals every week. Lobster. Chocolate (I assume). Sparkling beverages. Steak, maybe? Sure. Strawberries, most likely. These people are all co-existing in a mansion, wearing gowns to breakfast, which means eating like them is the closest any of us will get to being Orson Welles in Citizen Kane<\/em>. Surround yourself with roses and proceed.<\/p>\n

Stand at your window wearing a black floor-length dress, holding one rose<\/strong>
\nThis is more about how you can make it an unforgettable Valentine\u2019s Day for everybody who lives near you, but why should we deprive them of an incredible holiday? Exactly. So for as much spare time as you may have, stand at your largest and most notable window and wear the longest, most Victorian-looking dress you can find. Hold one single rose, and watch for passerby who notice you, look away (which is when you will duck out of their line of vision), and then look back (to shock, because you will no longer be standing there). Soon, you will be part of many unforgettable Valentine\u2019s Days. Because everyone who sees you will tell their friends that they\u2019ve seen a ghost.<\/p>\n

Send your friends Valentine\u2019s Day cards<\/strong>
\nOh, what\u2019s this? Me switching gears from obscene to sentimental? Of course. So hear this: Valentine\u2019s Day used to be the best. We all watched movies in class and sent each other tiny Valentine\u2019s cards and ate way too many sweets and types of chip because sometimes life is beautiful. So while I know that sending mail is expensive (and that nobody will get their cards on Valentine\u2019s Day because mail doesn\u2019t get delivered the same day it\u2019s sent), this is where it\u2019s time to splurge: send your best pals a few cards. Mail is the best! Mail makes everyone\u2019s day! Mail, provided it isn\u2019t of the bill variety, makes you feel appreciated and liked and even loved! So hunker down on Valentine\u2019s Day (or shortly after) and send some mail. A postcard. A little note. Why? Because everybody feels stressed out all the time, and being reminded that your friends give a shit is the most soothing balm, let me tell you. It\u2019s not all about us! Make it about somebody else!<\/p>\n

And then, because it actually is<\/em> all about us, buy a bag of cinnamon hearts and eat them as you write. You know: as you wait for your Bachelor<\/em> foods, wearing your black dress.<\/p>\n

Need a little more Anne? Read more from Anne T. Donahue right here<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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