{"id":121733,"date":"2021-03-02T09:00:12","date_gmt":"2021-03-02T14:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/?p=121733"},"modified":"2021-02-25T11:29:47","modified_gmt":"2021-02-25T16:29:47","slug":"and-then-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wellness\/and-then-what\/","title":{"rendered":"And Then What?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>By Anne T. Donahue<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Nearly a year out from Ontario\u2019s first lockdown, and it\u2019s safe to assume that we\u2019ve all changed. Most of us are grappling with new-and-improved form of traumas, we\u2019re drained emotionally, mentally, financially (and a combination of all three), and we don\u2019t recognize the people we used to be.<\/p>\n<p>And in some ways, the last point is fine. Change is inevitable anyway, and it was always a matter of time before we grew or shifted or made some parallel-seeming decision that was actually quite revelatory. We\u2019re always in flux, and I hate and love it in equal parts.<\/p>\n<p>Especially since my own sense of change or growth or whatever it is has left me further removed from my old self than I ever thought I would be. I\u2019ve stopped watching TV as much (it makes me sad to watch people live in a world that\u2019s so separate from my own \u2013 even though I\u2019d rather drift into an ice flow than watch a character wear a mask to the grocery store). I read more (hooray for me!) but my attention span\u2019s begun to wane (if by 100 pages I come to dread reading something, I am terminating our relationship). I check social media less, I\u2019m more forthcoming with my friends about how I feel and what I\u2019m thinking instead of pretending I\u2019m perfect or okay or even remotely thriving. Which is the next part: my urge to hustle and to work in the way I used to has completely dissipated. I still like to write (and I love that I can do it as a literal career), but my happiness is no longer intertwined with how much I do it. I work to pay off debt and to eat and to afford new jeans and sneakers. Back in 2019, I made myself sick by using work as a means with which to measure my worth, and I can\u2019t go back to doing that again. None of us are the sum of what we\u2019ve achieved professionally. We\u2019re people with hearts and minds and experience and pain and hang-ups and the ability to make people laugh. This was something I didn\u2019t believe about myself for a very long time. And now that I do, I\u2019m wondering what happens when we\u2019re pushed to \u201creturn to normal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Which, obviously, is a laughable and ridiculous concept. \u201cNormal\u201d isn\u2019t real. In fact, to inflict the concept of \u201cnormal\u201d onto complete strangers in hopes that they\u2019ll use that push to further stimulate the economy is insulting. Just as much as it is to use \u201cnormalcy\u201d as a benchmark for how to live. As of this moment, I\u2019m a few months into living full-time with my parents after giving my apartment up because the pandemic\u2019s necessitated a lot of hard choices. I\u2019m happy to be with my family and cat, and I love that I\u2019m here so that I can keep an eye on my mom and dad and not have to face wave after wave of uncertainty alone. Is that normal? To return home to hang with the gang? To give up the notion that I\u2019m a bad adult because I like to be with my family? To learn to recognize my boundaries and to respect them instead of using productivity as a way to prove how together I am? Who cares. I don\u2019t think I really do anymore. I want to feel happy and healthy and better, and I don\u2019t think \u201cnormal\u201d really factors in. Especially because it never existed. All any of us have been doing is surviving \u2013 now, we\u2019re doing it more overtly while calling out the system that\u2019s kept us feeling so terrible.<\/p>\n<p>The thing is, so much of myself has been wrapped up in the way my life is supposed to move. I use stages and Big Moments to confirm to myself that I\u2019m not a failure or a living poorly or doing a bad job being a person. Even this essay \u2013 framing it as if what comes next signals the start of a new chapter as opposed to some continuing saga \u2013 is a testament to how much I\u2019ve come to care about what people think, whether I\u2019m doing okay in the big scheme of life stages. Which may be what the next stage needs to be: acceptance that there really isn\u2019t one. That we just keep going and learning and trying to live in a way that doesn\u2019t make us physically or mentally ill. Maybe the next stage is the abandonment of stages altogether since judging ourselves in comparison to people whose full lives we can\u2019t see (and even those we can) has only hurt us. Maybe the next stage is whatever we want it to be, depending on where we\u2019d like to move and who we\u2019d like to grow into and how we can help the most.<\/p>\n<p>After all, I prefer sprawling sagas to tidy chapters. Not only because I\u2019ve never been able to do anything tidily, but because the more room we give ourselves to breathe, the less we\u2019ll put up with shoving ourselves into boxes because that\u2019s what we thought is expected of us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Need a little more Anne? Read more from Anne T. Donahue <a href=\"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/category\/listen-up-by-anne-t-donahue\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">right here<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Anne T. Donahue Nearly a year out from Ontario\u2019s first lockdown, and it\u2019s safe to assume that we\u2019ve all changed. Most of us are grappling with new-and-improved form of traumas, we\u2019re drained emotionally, mentally, financially (and a combination of all three), and we don\u2019t recognize the people we used to be. And in some [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":67426,"featured_media":121736,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[83792,64591],"tags":[83613,83749,83292,81720],"class_list":["post-121733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-listen-up-by-anne-t-donahue","category-wellness","tag-anne-t-donahue-musings","tag-covid-19","tag-top-story","tag-topstory"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>And Then What? - 29Secrets<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Nearly a year out from Ontario\u2019s first lockdown, and it\u2019s safe to assume that we\u2019ve all changed. 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Most of us are grappling with new-and-improved form of traumas, we\u2019re drained emotionally, mentally, financially (and a combination of all three), and we don\u2019t recognize the people we used to be.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wellness\/and-then-what\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"29Secrets\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/29Secrets\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-03-02T14:00:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/And-Then-What.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"810\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"540\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Anne T. 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