{"id":121771,"date":"2021-03-11T11:12:01","date_gmt":"2021-03-11T16:12:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/?p=121771"},"modified":"2021-03-18T11:11:32","modified_gmt":"2021-03-18T15:11:32","slug":"one-year-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wellness\/one-year-out\/","title":{"rendered":"One Year Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Anne T. Donahue<\/strong><\/p>\n

Today marks one year since the pandemic began, and on TV this morning, the heart of each story was about milestones, reflections, and the general nightmare the last year has been. The tone was somber, the content more so, and there was talk about what we\u2019ve all learned and how we\u2019ll apply all of it in the next chapter. The thing is, I have absolutely no idea.<\/p>\n

Grief is a complex, cruel, unrelenting entity. And the loss we\u2019ve all experienced over the last 52 weeks exists in its own plain and on its own level. Worse yet, our collective grief is separate from what we\u2019re all experiencing on our own. Because while we can all commiserate that the last year has been terrible, there\u2019s also the reality that many of us are still experiencing private loss and have had to file away our emotional, mental, and even physical crises since the pandemic isn\u2019t over yet. Yes, there are vaccines. Yes, there is hope for the first time in what feels like a century. But the catastrophe is still present. The waves of grief and loss and anxiety and depression and fear are hitting us over and over again. And that makes it impossible for me to see past what I\u2019m feeling right now. Because honestly, if I start to plan and plot for the future, that\u2019s when I won\u2019t be able to keep it together today.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m somebody who fears looking too far ahead. This is a new development and not one I\u2019m used to, but the all-encompassing presence of covid on top of many other scares and worries has forced me to see only what I\u2019m doing in this second lest I begin to spin out. Currently, I\u2019m typing this piece next to a glass of ginger ale-flavoured sparkling water, and when I\u2019m finished, I will write back to an email. Everything else feels too far, and everything else feels like it could be taken away. Who am I to say what I\u2019ll be doing later this evening? Are you kidding me? Have we learned nothing? Life comes at you quick, and then tells you to quit trying to control it so much, you precious idiot.<\/p>\n

Over the last year, the only way I\u2019ve learned not to find myself descend into an anxiety spiral is to not reflect at all. Have I changed since March 2020? Absolutely. But outside of obvious revelations, I\u2019m not ready to sink myself into cold, hard truths I\u2019m still largely working out. I\u2019m not ready to sit with the past and comfortably engage with forced perspective I do not have. I\u2019m still a mess. I\u2019m still sad. I\u2019m still scared and anxious and shaken. I really don\u2019t know what my belief system is, and I\u2019ve given up the idea of ever feeling fully \u201cfixed.\u201d After all, none of us are the same people we were last March. None of us think the same or feel the same or even want the same things. And why should we? We\u2019re still wading through an absolute shitshow, and not even world leaders can keep it together.<\/p>\n

So maybe you\u2019re not like me, and can take stock and size up and step into the person you\u2019ve grown into lately. (If so, congrats! Goddamn!) But if you are, look back on and sort through the last year of trauma when you want. Milestones can be important, but they can also be a reminder of the moment you felt yourself begin to slip. Right now all that matters is that you keep your footing. Only you know how to move onto the next moment in a way that helps you build yourself rather than deplete the energy you have left.<\/p>\n

Need a little more Anne? Read more from Anne T. Donahue right here<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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