{"id":121863,"date":"2021-04-08T11:35:46","date_gmt":"2021-04-08T15:35:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/?p=121863"},"modified":"2021-04-09T12:06:39","modified_gmt":"2021-04-09T16:06:39","slug":"shutdown-3-0-lets-reach-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digiblocks.ca\/29secrets\/wellness\/shutdown-3-0-lets-reach-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Shutdown 3.0: Let\u2019s Reach, People!"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Anne T. Donahue<\/strong><\/p>\n

Greetings from the deck of my parents\u2019 house where I will live until the grackles finally claim me as their own. (Note: the yard is swarming with grackles. There are so many grackles. I only care about the grackles now. Goodbye.) (Also, as I was writing this, a large bug flew down my shirt. So you can see that I\u2019m truly thriving right now.) Now one day into the third stay at home order in Ontario over the course of a year I\u2019ve exhausted almost all my rage and must avoid tapping into again lest I need a reason to absolutely lose my shit in roughly a week.<\/p>\n

I mean, I am still full of rage. But once in a while, you\u2019ve got to sit outside and make peace with the fact that you may be ready to die at the hands of a grackle.<\/p>\n

So that said, I\u2019m going to scrape the bowl of the already-past-its-prime positivity I\u2019ve been storing for desperate times. But while it is technically very toxic (it expired in 2015), I will not tell a single person to drink water or smile. This is a list of things to be grateful for, and not a single one will be \u201cmore me time.\u201d<\/p>\n

The grackles<\/strong>
\nThey are our friends now. Our true and wonderful friends. I am frightened of them to my core, and they seem to be plotting something according to the numbers in which they are gathering, but I pray that if they see this, they will spare me when they inevitably rule us all.<\/p>\n

Sugary, delicious cold beverages<\/strong>
\nIt\u2019s kind of hot now! I got sunburned three times in the last week, and I\u2019m outside gunning for a fourth. So with that may we now usher in the era of drinking the most delicious, syrupy beverages we can find. Put ice in my morning Pepsi! Make a Big Gulp last all day! Treat freezies and popsicles like beverages! We can do that now! It can happen! And when we inevitably get upset stomachs from dehydration, we\u2019re not going anywhere, so who cares! I know I don\u2019t! I feel sick already and it\u2019s only 11 05, baby!<\/p>\n

Blaring the best music ever outside so that your neighbours know you\u2019re cool<\/strong>
\nOh that\u2019s right, nice, lovely families who live left and right of me: I love the song \u201cReady To Go\u201d by Republica (1996) and now you get to find out too! Buckle up for the Goo Goo Dolls and a little Matchbox 20! Our shared space is my DJ table, and I will ruin you all!<\/p>\n

Neighbourhood animals<\/strong>
\nCats. I do mean cats. There are dogs out there, and I\u2019ve seen them, but we\u2019ve never really connected so while I wish them well, we\u2019ve obviously not got much of a foundation on which to base our relationship. Especially since it\u2019s no longer cold enough for them to wear boots.<\/p>\n

So look out for the cats. Recruit the cats. You know what they\u2019re doing right now? Nothing. So win them over. Set out some water. Name them. Remind them that they\u2019re beautiful. Handsome. So pretty. A baby-lady. A lady-baby. Then as the slow realization that you haven\u2019t hung out with your human friends in over a year sets in, realize that what you\u2019ve built is even better. Or like, helpful in making you (and I) want to die a little less.<\/p>\n

Hotdogs<\/strong>
\nAnd hamburgers and vegan patties and whatever else it is you eat in the summer. I don\u2019t know you, and I don\u2019t know your preferences. Groceries are it. They\u2019re genuinely the only thing we\u2019re allowed to go out and buy, minus (legal) drugs. I will not buy a single item going forward that doesn\u2019t cater to the delusion that from here \u2018til July I will bask in summer weather and tan like I\u2019m a person who doesn\u2019t get terribly burned. Which I guess brings me to our last point . . .<\/p>\n

Delusion<\/strong>
\nSweet, sweet delusion. Should we be grateful for this? Really? In the inferno of the third and very avoidable third wave? While reality is cold and harsh but absolutely necessary to face? Bitch, yes. Delusion is all that\u2019s left. Sweet, glorious, minutes of delusion where you can focus on the stupidest possible thing and pretend that it\u2019s forever, while in reality you\u2019ve only got mere seconds before the covid emergency alert plays again and you scream, \u201cI KNOW! I FUCKING KNOW!\u201d into the ether. These fleeting moments are a cushion. A harmless cushion that reminds us that there was a before and there was an after, and at some point, we won\u2019t have TMJ from reading the news and wondering whether the Ford cabinet is maybe just trying doing this on purpose.<\/p>\n

Today, my delusion was spending the entirety of a Gin Blossoms song looking out at the lawn full of grackles, pretending I was in a movie somebody from Singles<\/em>would also star in. And I took a sip of my morning soft drink and thought, \u201cThat\u2019s right. This is my life. And it\u2019s wonderful.\u201d Seconds, of course, before the emergency alert went off and scared the cats and made me jump and ruined one of the greatest songs to come out of the 1990s. And then I paid my phone bill and laugh-cried at the remaining balance in my account. And I began to countdown to my next delusion, where when somebody asked what I was up to later I had an answer other than, \u201cAre you kidding me right now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Go forth.<\/p>\n

Need a little more Anne? Read more from Anne T. Donahue right here<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Anne T. Donahue Greetings from the deck of my parents\u2019 house where I will live until the grackles finally claim me as their own. (Note: the yard is swarming with grackles. There are so many grackles. I only care about the grackles now. Goodbye.) (Also, as I was writing this, a large bug flew […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":67426,"featured_media":121872,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[83792,64591],"tags":[83613,83292,81720],"class_list":["post-121863","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-listen-up-by-anne-t-donahue","category-wellness","tag-anne-t-donahue-musings","tag-top-story","tag-topstory"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nShutdown 3.0: Let\u2019s Reach, People! - 29Secrets<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Greetings from the deck of my parents\u2019 house where I will live until the grackles finally claim me as their own. (Note: the yard is swarming with grackles. There are so many grackles. I only care about the grackles now. Goodbye.) (Also, as I was writing this, a large bug flew down my shirt. 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